I can't...I can't believe what I've done. I can't change it.
I feel like I want to die. I deserve to die. I should die.
I made everything worse. I was the traitor to my allies, my friends. I wasn't thinking straight.
I have my gun here with me.
I think
Frank's here. I don't understand. I heard a noise in the kitchen, and there he was. He offered me a glass of cola.
He says he's here to do what must be done.
I asked him what that was, and he just told me to keep drinking. I'm starting to feel funny. He's trying to kill me, isn't he? He put something in the drink!
Good thing I still have my gun with me. I don't think he's seen it yet.
He apologized, but says he had to stop me.
He's been watching me, hasn't he? He was in on the whole thing, wasn't he?!
Apology not accepted.
I'll wait until his back is turned.
Nonono... I can't. Not again.
"What're you doing?"
He must think I have nothing left to write now.
Funny how this all started out as me, an idiot writing about things I didn't understand. I understand now. These things, whatever they are, are not to be trifled with. And they are unstoppable. The End will come and no one can stop it.
I'm sorry. For everything. I want to tell him that. I want to tell all of them that. I lost my mind. I don't know what happened. Lina... Frank... I've been such an asshole.
I need to apologize. But...that won't be enough. Can't be enough.
I deserve to die. I have to do it.
I'll wait until he leaves.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
The Man in the Hat
I took a drive this morning in Lina's old car. Hasn't been used in a long time.
I was thinking about everything that's happened lately. Oh, God! I've done such terrible things!
I wish I could take them back, undo them. I wish there was something I could do to fix it.
I don't know how to atone for my sins.
After I parked the car in the garage, I headed to the elevator that would take me to the top. That's when I saw him.
The man with the hat. He was wearing a gray fedora and suit. At first I didn't know for sure it was the same guy that Torrance mentioned.
He was staring at me.
"Who are you?" I asked.
"Nobody." He smirked. He glanced at a pocketwatch in his hand; I could hear it ticking.
The elevator arrived and I stepped in. I heard him say, "This is gonna be good."
As the doors closed I could still hear the ticking.
I was thinking about everything that's happened lately. Oh, God! I've done such terrible things!
I wish I could take them back, undo them. I wish there was something I could do to fix it.
I don't know how to atone for my sins.
After I parked the car in the garage, I headed to the elevator that would take me to the top. That's when I saw him.
The man with the hat. He was wearing a gray fedora and suit. At first I didn't know for sure it was the same guy that Torrance mentioned.
He was staring at me.
"Who are you?" I asked.
"Nobody." He smirked. He glanced at a pocketwatch in his hand; I could hear it ticking.
The elevator arrived and I stepped in. I heard him say, "This is gonna be good."
As the doors closed I could still hear the ticking.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Reckoning
After I went home, I had trouble breathing normally. I was hyperventilating.
Not just because of what had just happened. It hit me.
All of it.
I wept for hours.
Oh, God! What have I done?!
Not just because of what had just happened. It hit me.
All of it.
I wept for hours.
Oh, God! What have I done?!
Checking on Ralph
I found out I was in Texas. That's kind of random.
So I got a flight back to L.A. I'm home now. I feel I need to take some time to get my thoughts and feelings together before I do something I'll regret later.
After I freshened up and composed myself, I went to visit Ralph in the hospital. To my surprise, he was up and walking around, and he was mumbling to himself. He didn't seem to notice my presence.
As I got closer, I heard that he was saying things like, "You have to let me in" and "Let us infuse your life with something special!"
I recognized the latter as the slogan of that Illumination drink and its manufacturer.
When he saw me, he straightened up. "Hello," he said in a hoarse voice.
"Hello," I answered.
"So how's everyone? How's Lina doing?"
I was silent a moment, trying my best to keep back the tears. I think my voice cracked a bit anyway.
"She--she's fine," I said. "Everyone's fine."
I couldn't bear to look him in the eyes.
"They're home waiting for you to get better!" I smiled a false smile.
He had hope on his face. "I can't wait to get married. I'll be with that beautiful babe for the rest of my life." He closed his eyes, imagining the future. "We'll be together. We'll have beautiful children. Lots of 'em. My kids'll overrun the world!" He chuckled.
I could only nod. He must have noticed the sadness in my eyes on the verge of tears, because he looked more grave again.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I said. "Just happy that you'll be better again in time for the wedding."
Beaming, he said, "I am too. Just so long as the wedding doesn't turn out to be a hallucination."
Self-deprecation. That was the Ralph I know.
We shook hands and I was about to go.
Then something changed in his eyes.
Before I could do anything, he lunged at me, screaming, "Can you hear the music?! It's coming! The music is coming!" Several nurses had to peel him off me.
I fled from there as fast as I could.
So I got a flight back to L.A. I'm home now. I feel I need to take some time to get my thoughts and feelings together before I do something I'll regret later.
After I freshened up and composed myself, I went to visit Ralph in the hospital. To my surprise, he was up and walking around, and he was mumbling to himself. He didn't seem to notice my presence.
As I got closer, I heard that he was saying things like, "You have to let me in" and "Let us infuse your life with something special!"
I recognized the latter as the slogan of that Illumination drink and its manufacturer.
When he saw me, he straightened up. "Hello," he said in a hoarse voice.
"Hello," I answered.
"So how's everyone? How's Lina doing?"
I was silent a moment, trying my best to keep back the tears. I think my voice cracked a bit anyway.
"She--she's fine," I said. "Everyone's fine."
I couldn't bear to look him in the eyes.
"They're home waiting for you to get better!" I smiled a false smile.
He had hope on his face. "I can't wait to get married. I'll be with that beautiful babe for the rest of my life." He closed his eyes, imagining the future. "We'll be together. We'll have beautiful children. Lots of 'em. My kids'll overrun the world!" He chuckled.
I could only nod. He must have noticed the sadness in my eyes on the verge of tears, because he looked more grave again.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I said. "Just happy that you'll be better again in time for the wedding."
Beaming, he said, "I am too. Just so long as the wedding doesn't turn out to be a hallucination."
Self-deprecation. That was the Ralph I know.
We shook hands and I was about to go.
Then something changed in his eyes.
Before I could do anything, he lunged at me, screaming, "Can you hear the music?! It's coming! The music is coming!" Several nurses had to peel him off me.
I fled from there as fast as I could.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Solitude
Looking through the documents I stole, I found something interesting that Larry would enjoy. (Apparently STAB and the SCP guys keep tabs on each other.)
A house in a nearby town.
There's something odd about it: it's full of strange occult artifacts that have the curious ability to bend space. Apparently it's unclear how to use any of the objects. But I did something right.
In the early hours of the morning I dragged the others out of bed (so they'd be really tired and struggle less) and I made them get in the car.
Then I drove to the location specified. It's supposedly a nature preserve, but I knew better. A bunch of SCP whatsits were there. Don't know if they're part of STAB or not. They began shooting at me on sight.
I drove on past them, sometimes lifting my shield to protect my face.
The car took a lot of bullets, and the others were screaming their heads off. Finally, the car wasn't working so well, so I jumped out and ducked for cover, quickly getting them out and crouching beside me.
"What are you doing?!" Fran screamed. "You're going to get us killed! See this is why I can't stand..."
She trailed off.
I said, "I found a haunted house that Larry will surely love!"
He shouted, "I don't love anything that causes me to lose my life before I can enjoy it! And what does this have to do with your sister or revenge?"
It took several clips, but I finally got all the SCP people. We safely proceeded to the house that was being hidden from the public.
I think my "friends" only went ahead and came with me because they were already here and they were curious.
Of course, I was planning on abandoning them the whole time. But at least they were somewhat cooperative.
How was I to get away without working transportation? I was going to cross that bridge when I came to it. All I knew was that I had to find a way to trap them here and get away myself.
As we entered, though, we could hear a siren. I knew from the documents that these SCP people had placed a nuke nearby in case their containment area was breached. It must have been activated.
I had to hurry.
Once we were inside, I started touching objects and moving them around to see what would happen.
"What are you doing?" cried Fran. "We have to get out of here!"
"She's right, man," said Larry.
I ignored them both and kept moving things around.
Suddenly we were outside.
Before our eyes, the house blew up. Then the explosion reversed itself.
The intact house wasn't the one we had entered, nor was the surrounding area the same. We were in a desert or something.
None of us knew where we were.
The house blew up and came back together a few more times.
"Huh," I said.
"It's a time loop!" cried Larry. "Well, sort of. It happens over and over, but with a rewind in between. I've never seen anything like it." He seemed awestruck.
And that's when I conceived of my plan.
I pulled my gun on them. My emotional instability must've convinced them I was serious. I carefully held the shield before us as we slowly made our way forward.
Every few seconds the house would explode again, then contract during the next few seconds.
Once we were at the edge of the explosion, I forced them to run forward.
I didn't know that the shield would work for sure, but fortunately it did.
We got in the midst of the flames unscathed. The house came back together around us. A family was there, going about their normal routine when the house exploded again.
I put the shield up and kept us safe. Then I told them goodbye and turned to make my way to the front door, since the house was together again. They started to ask why I was doing this when the explosion replayed itself. The shield still kept them safe from the time loop's effects for the moment.
"Because," I explained, "you are TRAITORS TO ME AND TO LINA. YOU TRIED TO HAVE ME KILLED."
They tried to deny involvement in the attack, but I SAW through their LIES.
"Mommy, who are they?" asked a little boy walking through the kitchen when he saw us; he was a member of the household. They were dressed like they were from the 1950s.
Before the woman could turn around or answer, the house exploded again.
"Goodbye," I said. "You have to PAY FOR YOUR SINS."
"Mommy, who are they?"
"Don't go, please!" yelled Fran as the house came together again. I started out the door. Larry frowned at me silently.
Fran yelled after me, in quick bursts. "Please! Listen to me! You have to listen! There's going to be a war!" I exited the door. "We have to stop it! It's going to--"
The house exploded again. But I was safe.
From a distance away, I could still hear, every few seconds, "Please! Listen to me! You have to listen! There's going to be a war! We have to stop it! It's going to--" And then it would reverse.
Some distance from the house, I came near a warehouse where some SCP guys were keeping an eye on the time loop. They just stared at me in wonder as I walked past. Must've been because I was able to escape the loop. Some of them tried to stop me, but I threatened them with my gun. Only one actually tried to shoot me. The bullet was deflected and hit one of his fellows in an artery in his neck.
My job done, I found a place to stay. Fortunately, I still have my iPad with me to update this blog. I will MAKE THOSE STAB AGENTS PAY soon.
Now I am truly alone.
A house in a nearby town.
There's something odd about it: it's full of strange occult artifacts that have the curious ability to bend space. Apparently it's unclear how to use any of the objects. But I did something right.
In the early hours of the morning I dragged the others out of bed (so they'd be really tired and struggle less) and I made them get in the car.
Then I drove to the location specified. It's supposedly a nature preserve, but I knew better. A bunch of SCP whatsits were there. Don't know if they're part of STAB or not. They began shooting at me on sight.
I drove on past them, sometimes lifting my shield to protect my face.
The car took a lot of bullets, and the others were screaming their heads off. Finally, the car wasn't working so well, so I jumped out and ducked for cover, quickly getting them out and crouching beside me.
"What are you doing?!" Fran screamed. "You're going to get us killed! See this is why I can't stand..."
She trailed off.
I said, "I found a haunted house that Larry will surely love!"
He shouted, "I don't love anything that causes me to lose my life before I can enjoy it! And what does this have to do with your sister or revenge?"
It took several clips, but I finally got all the SCP people. We safely proceeded to the house that was being hidden from the public.
I think my "friends" only went ahead and came with me because they were already here and they were curious.
Of course, I was planning on abandoning them the whole time. But at least they were somewhat cooperative.
How was I to get away without working transportation? I was going to cross that bridge when I came to it. All I knew was that I had to find a way to trap them here and get away myself.
As we entered, though, we could hear a siren. I knew from the documents that these SCP people had placed a nuke nearby in case their containment area was breached. It must have been activated.
I had to hurry.
Once we were inside, I started touching objects and moving them around to see what would happen.
"What are you doing?" cried Fran. "We have to get out of here!"
"She's right, man," said Larry.
I ignored them both and kept moving things around.
Suddenly we were outside.
Before our eyes, the house blew up. Then the explosion reversed itself.
The intact house wasn't the one we had entered, nor was the surrounding area the same. We were in a desert or something.
None of us knew where we were.
The house blew up and came back together a few more times.
"Huh," I said.
"It's a time loop!" cried Larry. "Well, sort of. It happens over and over, but with a rewind in between. I've never seen anything like it." He seemed awestruck.
And that's when I conceived of my plan.
I pulled my gun on them. My emotional instability must've convinced them I was serious. I carefully held the shield before us as we slowly made our way forward.
Every few seconds the house would explode again, then contract during the next few seconds.
Once we were at the edge of the explosion, I forced them to run forward.
I didn't know that the shield would work for sure, but fortunately it did.
We got in the midst of the flames unscathed. The house came back together around us. A family was there, going about their normal routine when the house exploded again.
I put the shield up and kept us safe. Then I told them goodbye and turned to make my way to the front door, since the house was together again. They started to ask why I was doing this when the explosion replayed itself. The shield still kept them safe from the time loop's effects for the moment.
"Because," I explained, "you are TRAITORS TO ME AND TO LINA. YOU TRIED TO HAVE ME KILLED."
They tried to deny involvement in the attack, but I SAW through their LIES.
"Mommy, who are they?" asked a little boy walking through the kitchen when he saw us; he was a member of the household. They were dressed like they were from the 1950s.
Before the woman could turn around or answer, the house exploded again.
"Goodbye," I said. "You have to PAY FOR YOUR SINS."
"Mommy, who are they?"
"Don't go, please!" yelled Fran as the house came together again. I started out the door. Larry frowned at me silently.
Fran yelled after me, in quick bursts. "Please! Listen to me! You have to listen! There's going to be a war!" I exited the door. "We have to stop it! It's going to--"
The house exploded again. But I was safe.
From a distance away, I could still hear, every few seconds, "Please! Listen to me! You have to listen! There's going to be a war! We have to stop it! It's going to--" And then it would reverse.
Some distance from the house, I came near a warehouse where some SCP guys were keeping an eye on the time loop. They just stared at me in wonder as I walked past. Must've been because I was able to escape the loop. Some of them tried to stop me, but I threatened them with my gun. Only one actually tried to shoot me. The bullet was deflected and hit one of his fellows in an artery in his neck.
My job done, I found a place to stay. Fortunately, I still have my iPad with me to update this blog. I will MAKE THOSE STAB AGENTS PAY soon.
Now I am truly alone.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
REST STOP CLOSE CALL
We were at a rest stop a little bit ago, and SOMEBODY tried to KILL ME!
I was standing there, stretching my legs, waiting on Fran and Larry, when I was SHOT AT.
The Shield kept me safe, of course, but still. When I looked up in the direction the bullet came from, I saw people on a nearby roof. And one of them was Judgment! That SOB is going to pay! STOP WATCHING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At the sound of gunfire, Larry and Fran ran out to see what happened. I told them I was safe, no thanks to them.
I like how they were CONVENIENTLY OUT OF VIEW OF THE SNIPER.
It's like they ratted me out or something. THEY WOULDN'T DO THAT, WOULD THEY?!
And on top of all this, they keep trying to convince me to go home.
If they try to hijack the car again, I might have to follow through with one of my THREATS this time.
I was standing there, stretching my legs, waiting on Fran and Larry, when I was SHOT AT.
The Shield kept me safe, of course, but still. When I looked up in the direction the bullet came from, I saw people on a nearby roof. And one of them was Judgment! That SOB is going to pay! STOP WATCHING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At the sound of gunfire, Larry and Fran ran out to see what happened. I told them I was safe, no thanks to them.
I like how they were CONVENIENTLY OUT OF VIEW OF THE SNIPER.
It's like they ratted me out or something. THEY WOULDN'T DO THAT, WOULD THEY?!
And on top of all this, they keep trying to convince me to go home.
If they try to hijack the car again, I might have to follow through with one of my THREATS this time.
An exciting day
The others aren't happy that I've brought them here. They keep demanding to be taken home. They say petty revenge isn't worth it. Well, I'm telling YOU--THIS IS NOT PETTY REVENGE!
It's fair play. Eye for an eye. Show them they are weak when someone stands up to them!
"Don't you think you've done enough?"
ENOUGH? WHEN IS MAKING MY SISTER'S MEMORY MORE MEANINGFUL ENOUGH--OR WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN, TOO MUCH? I WILL NOT STOP UNTIL THEY GET THE MESSAGE. THEY CHOSE US FOR THEIR SECRET MOTIVES. I WILL NOT STOP UNTIL THEY PAY FOR THEIR SINS.
The only thing that can be detrimental right now is my lack of protection. I don't have any armor or anything, so that could be a problem. Otherwise I'm excited about getting to the facility.
I just got an idea! It's a wonderful idea. I'm not going to spoil it yet in case you're reading this, Fran, Larry!
EDIT: I did it! I did it! Ha!
The instructions were a bit wrong, though.
I got the Shield of Solitude, one of the Objects I talked about in the past. I found a halfway house for recovering drug addicts and went to the front desk and asked to see the Holder of Solitude, carefully keeping my head down.
Once I found myself in the strange place on that path, I kept going, but there was no sign of any creature there. I was truly alone.
Thoughts of betrayal by the others kept nagging at me, though.
Finally I came to the obsidian pillar mentioned in the instructions, but that thing, that thing that I have no words for was not like any gargoyle I've ever seen.
True to the intructions, though, this otherworldly something or other enveloped me and showed me the lives of all who've ever lived, as stars winking out. It felt like forever.
My star was last and I wasn't shown my own fate.
I shut my eyes and traversed dimensions unknown to man. I found myself in a small room, alone. There was a shield on the wall, and I took it, suddenly finding myself back at the halfway house. The person at the desk scowled at me as I left.
Now I have a shield against my enemies. And friends, if need be.
Also, I don't think they read this. They would've said something about this morning's unfortunate accident.
It's fair play. Eye for an eye. Show them they are weak when someone stands up to them!
"Don't you think you've done enough?"
ENOUGH? WHEN IS MAKING MY SISTER'S MEMORY MORE MEANINGFUL ENOUGH--OR WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN, TOO MUCH? I WILL NOT STOP UNTIL THEY GET THE MESSAGE. THEY CHOSE US FOR THEIR SECRET MOTIVES. I WILL NOT STOP UNTIL THEY PAY FOR THEIR SINS.
The only thing that can be detrimental right now is my lack of protection. I don't have any armor or anything, so that could be a problem. Otherwise I'm excited about getting to the facility.
I just got an idea! It's a wonderful idea. I'm not going to spoil it yet in case you're reading this, Fran, Larry!
EDIT: I did it! I did it! Ha!
The instructions were a bit wrong, though.
I got the Shield of Solitude, one of the Objects I talked about in the past. I found a halfway house for recovering drug addicts and went to the front desk and asked to see the Holder of Solitude, carefully keeping my head down.
Once I found myself in the strange place on that path, I kept going, but there was no sign of any creature there. I was truly alone.
Thoughts of betrayal by the others kept nagging at me, though.
Finally I came to the obsidian pillar mentioned in the instructions, but that thing, that thing that I have no words for was not like any gargoyle I've ever seen.
True to the intructions, though, this otherworldly something or other enveloped me and showed me the lives of all who've ever lived, as stars winking out. It felt like forever.
My star was last and I wasn't shown my own fate.
I shut my eyes and traversed dimensions unknown to man. I found myself in a small room, alone. There was a shield on the wall, and I took it, suddenly finding myself back at the halfway house. The person at the desk scowled at me as I left.
Now I have a shield against my enemies. And friends, if need be.
Also, I don't think they read this. They would've said something about this morning's unfortunate accident.
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